COHEN: Live the ‘Middle Way’ to find balance in life
By REBECCA COHEN - Chronicle columnist
I believe that there is something in every religion of the world that can help us on our journey toward peace, health and happiness. One philosophy that I recently read about is the idea of “The Middle Way,” which comes from Buddhism. This concept can help us gain and understand the need for balance in our lives.
According to my research, the term probably originally referred to the realization by Buddha that the way to enlightenment does not lie in living an exaggerated ascetic life (which implies a life that may be plain, harsh, somber or severe), nor in self-indulgence, gratifying one’s every wish.
We live in a world of beautiful and luxuriant diversity. But the basis of this world of infinite variety is “duality” (i.e., toward going off in one of two opposite directions) or what we might call polarity. In reality, these apparent opposites are intimately connected, indeed dependent on each other. For example: Could there be a beginning without an end? Would we recognize light if we had not experienced darkness? Whether we feel something is hot or cold, soft or hard and so on, is often rather a matter of attitude than of objective judgment. To the optimist the glass is half full; to the pessimist it is half empty. Life is like this every day. All of the opposites do not exist objectively because there is no absolute light or dark, hot or cold, but only more or less of any one characteristic.
There are many people, however, who believe that it is a human tendency to go from one extreme to the other in search of balance. We believe that we must “choose a side,” fight for the side we’re on and never give in. For example, many people argue about how much water to drink each day. Some people swear by eight glasses a day and believe this is absolutely necessary for health. This is going to an extreme which can lead to stagnation in ourselves, wasted energy trying to impose our opinions on others, and quarreling as we treat something that is only relative as if it is absolute, a matter of life or death.
This is not to say, however, that we should never remain firm about something we believe. It is up to us to decide, for ourselves, what issues we remain firm about and which we let go of, using our judgment and without imposing our decision on others. If we refuse, on principle, not to be firm about anything we are also exaggerating and going to one of two extremes.
To follow the Middle Way is perhaps the most difficult thing in the world. It requires being completely conscious, wide awake and aware, not of what we think we are trying to do, but of ourselves doing it. It is a matter of seeing things as they are, not being blinded by taking sides.
We do this by being conscious of the danger of extreme, exaggerated attitudes in daily life, not in other people, but in ourselves. When we recognize extreme tendencies in ourselves, we can ask ourselves why. Is it due to conditioning by environment and upbringing? Is it because we accept some authority? Or is it a reaction against those?
Living the Middle Way involves: living in the here and now; using common sense and wisdom; not taking things and ourselves too seriously nor in a flippant manner; and learning to laugh at ourselves. For example, when it comes to gaining health, living the Middle Way means that you do the best you can to eat healthy, exercise, reduce your stress, take care of your body and learn more about how to do those things. Some days you do what you read about, and some days you don’t. But on both days, you accept yourself, realize that you did the best you can do, and go on tomorrow to do better. You don’t push your views on others, and you know that there is no one perfect way to live, act, feel or believe that is right for everyone all the time. And, finally, you are kind to yourself and don’t critique yourself negatively every day for not being perfect.
• Rebecca Cohen is a board-certified holistic nurse and a certified wellness coach. She has a private practice, Partnering for Change Wellness Coaching. Her Web site is www.partnering forchange.com.
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