‘I choose to be a survivor’

By Carrie Frillman - cfrillman@daily-chronicle.com

Northern Illinois University junior Zach Seward, 21, was happy to return to normal life since witnessing the Feb. 14 shootings inside Room 101 of Cole Hall. Seward, who lived in Neptune Hall last school year, decided to move off campus for the new year. Seward said returning to work at Circuit City last spring was a big step in his personal recovery after the shootings. “After summer and everything, I really just went back to my normal routine,” he said. KATE WEBER CARLSON | kcarlson@daily-chronicle.com

When Zach Seward returned to the campus of Northern Illinois University in DeKalb about a week ago, he paid his respects to the victims of the Feb. 14 shooting by placing a single flower on the ground outside Cole Hall.

It’s a building he never wants to enter again. He was in Room 101 in his Geology 104 course when a former NIU student entered shortly after 3 p.m. Feb. 14 and opened fire, killing five and injuring at least 16 others before the shooter turned the gun on himself. Seward, like about 100 others, ran from the building.

Despite his reluctance, Seward, 21, said he feels completely safe on campus.

“When it first happened, I was like, ‘I don’t want to go to NIU,’” Seward said. “But the university really did a good job of not only reassuring students this is a safe place, but telling us they wanted us to come back.”

The shooting tragedy brought Seward clarity in his perspective on life.

“It helps to talk about it,” he said of Feb. 14. “I’m not in denial. I’m not ignoring it. It’s like, ‘This is what happened, and this is what you can do to heal.’”

It has been more than six months since the shooting at NIU, and Seward could not be more thankful that he made it out of Cole Hall alive. Although physically untouched, the optimistic college student was left with a lasting emotional scar.

“The whole experience just taught me to be more aware of what’s around me and to just live because you never know what’s going to happen,” he said Monday. “At some point, your life can be taken in the blink of an eye. You need to live it to the fullest.”

A transfer student from Elgin Community College, the 2008 spring semester was his first at NIU.

The lessons he learned in a matter of minutes Feb. 14 were more vast in number and nature than could be taught from all of the school’s textbooks combined, he said.

Healing has come from time and a return to normalcy. Seward spent the summer in his hometown of Lake in the Hills surrounded by a family that includes two brothers, Mike, 19, and Rob, 23, who both also attend NIU.

A regular routine of summer school classes and work — along with occasional spare time to relax — was the perfect medicine to aid in his recovery, he said.

Although he hasn’t sought individual counseling services there, the accessibility of NIU’s Office of Support and Advocacy — an office created to house resources for those struggling emotionally from the campus tragedy —  offers comfort to Seward.

“It’s good to know they made those services available for me ...” he said. “They really went the extra mile to make sure I’m doing OK.”

University representatives not only checked in regularly with students, but parents too, Seward’s father said Thursday.

“It is unrealistic to think (the university) could have prevented what occurred,” Bob Seward said during a phone interview. “It’s an unfortunate incident. Given the circumstances, the school has done the best you could ever ask. The university has (created) an environment the kids feel safe coming back to.”

Parental Journey

The Sewards were in Wisconsin when they heard news of a shooting on their three sons’ college campus.

At a friend’s house, they sat glued to the TV, looking for answers to whether Zach — the only child they’d not yet heard from — was safe.

“It was pretty chilling,” Bob Seward said. “They showed the outside of Cole Hall and said the name of the class and (my wife) looked at me and said, ‘Zach was in that class.’ ”

They feared the unthinkable, Bob Seward said, and the drive home from Wisconsin was the worst, and longest, three hours of his life.

It wasn’t until after 7 p.m., more than four hours after the shooting occurred, that the Sewards learned Zach was alive. His cell phone and personal belongings had been abandoned in Room 101.

The couple came home to about 25 voice mails from media seeking comment about the shooting, Bob Seward said, but the initial recording was the most important.

“The first message on the machine was from Zach,” Bob Seward said. “And I’ve never heard him sound so scared.”

The three Seward men all went home together following the tragedy, and their solidarity was a small comfort to their parents, their father said.

“I think it was helpful for Zach to have two brothers at school,” he said. “They now share that they went through that together. They have all been part of helping the school heal and they were all involved — not to the extent that Zach was — but they all went through it and I think that was a solace for him.”

Their sons’ experiences only reinforce lessons Bob Seward and his wife tried to instill in their children early.

“There’s nothing you can do to expect a random act of violence,” he said. “You just have to be aware of everything around you. ... We live in a crazy society, we really do. You never know what’s going to create a circumstance for something like that to occur.”

The family places no blame on NIU, Bob Seward said, adding that a university is a place meant to foster freedom and the opportunity to mature.

“Anything you would do to try and prevent something like that would be so restrictive to an environment that is meant to encourage people to grow as adults,” he said. “... As parents, there is a tremendous value in being able to give them the support they need. We just feel fortunate that we were coming back to comfort our kids and not to bury them.”

Return To Normalcy

Getting away from DeKalb for the summer helped, Zach Seward said, and now that he’s returned everything feels relatively normal.

Loud noises make him jump a little more than they used to, he said, and he occasionally feels uneasy in large, open spaces.

“It’s one of those things wherever I go, I’m thinking, ‘If something happened, how would I get out of this situation? Where would I run?’ ” he said.

But he also said he’s glad to be alive to experience such emotions. Walking across campus does not make him nervous, he said, and he is more proud than ever to be an NIU Huskie.

“I’m sure I’m gonna feel uneasy at some point, but that’s just going to happen,” he said. “It’s part of life and I think I’ve coped with everything pretty well.”

Seward’s goal for the new academic year is similar to that of many other college students: earn good grades.

Sorting through the events of the February’s tragedy has proven to Seward that dwelling on the past can be regressive.

“ ....You can choose to be a victim or a survivor,” he said, quoting Joe Peterson, the instructor who taught Geology 104 last year.

“I choose to be a survivor.”

Investigation continues

By BENJI FELDHEIM - bfeldheim@daily-chronicle.com

The investigation of the shooter who killed five students at Northern Illinois University in February continues, local law enforcement officials said last week.

No additional information has been made public about the investigation into 27-year-old Steven Kazmierczak, but local, state and federal departments are still gathering and examining information, NIU Police Chief Don Grady said Thursday.

“All of the departments still have minor parts they are working on, but nothing has changed,” Grady said. “There are still thousands and thousands of pages of documents and information we are going through.”

On Feb. 14, Kazmierczak walked into Room 101 in Cole Hall shortly after 3 p.m. and opened fire, killing five students and injuring at least 16 others, before turning the gun on himself. Kazmierczak had been a sociology graduate student at NIU until the spring of 2007.

Killed in the shooting were 20-year-old Gayle Dubowski of Carol Stream, 20-year-old Catalina Garcia of Cicero, 32-year-old Julianna Gehant of Mendota, 19-year-old Ryanne Mace of Carpentersville and 20-year-old Daniel Parmenter of Westchester.

DeKalb Police detectives had wrapped up most of their part of the investigation toward the end of March, but still are looking into certain aspects of the case, DeKalb Police Lt. Gary Spangler said Thursday.

Police still haven’t found the hard drive for Kazmierczak’s laptop, or a data card from his cell phone, Spangler told the Chronicle on Saturday.

Since the attack, details about Kazmierczak’s past have emerged, including stays in psychiatric facilities and the use of medication for depression.

Phone messages left by the Daily Chronicle at the Rockford branch of the FBI, which has assisted in the investigation, were not returned by late Saturday afternoon.