CHICAGO – Really, Blackhawks? Another one?
I mean, really?
It wasn’t enough for you to share the greatest start in NHL history with the 2006-07 Anaheim Ducks. No, no, no. Heaven forbid that you teach kids about sharing.
Instead, you just had to seize the record all for yourself.
You had to beat the San Jose Sharks, 2-1, to set the all-time record with 17 games (and counting) without a loss in regulation. You had to happily skate to center ice after the game and salute a sellout crowd of 21,760 fans by lifting your sticks toward the rafters.
This is just ridiculous. I mean, this really has gotten out of hand.
Is starting the season 14-0-3 really necessary?
OK, OK. We get it. You’re good.
Every game, you lace up your hockey skates and showcase your all-world ability. You skate forward and sideways and backward at blistering speeds, all while somehow dodging opponents and controlling a puck with the blade of your stick.
You want to know about my latest encounter with ice?
I spent 10 minutes scraping it off of my car’s windshield. After I forgot my gloves.
But I finished scraping the windshield and stepped out of the slush and into my car because people apparently want to read about the hottest team in hockey. As I drove into and out of the city’s finest potholes, I couldn’t help but notice that my pants felt a little tight.
You wouldn’t know. You’re terrific athletes. You probably run like six-minute miles.
Anyway, I made it to the game on time, only to see you win again.
What a bunch of showoffs.
Don’t you know what sells newspapers?
Negativity! Controversies! Scandals!
But you just had to keep winning. Heaven forbid you help a fledgling sportswriter.
I mean, honestly. Everything about you is just … so … perfect.
Your coach is brilliant. Your star players are incredible. Your depth players are reliable. Your fans are loyal and ecstatic. Even your goaltending has been great.
What’s worse, you’re really nice people.
I’ve seen Patrick Kane scoop pucks over the plexiglass and drop them to young fans after practice at Johnny’s IceHouse West. Those kids will treasure those gifts forever.
I’ve seen Jonathan Toews sit at his locker and patiently answer countless questions from know-nothing reporters, even after we – um, they – aren’t paying close enough attention and start to repeat the same questions.
I’ve seen Patrick Sharp the hockey player quickly transform into Patrick Sharp the father. Whenever his daughter is around, he looks as if he scored about seven hat tricks.
By the way, Mr. Sharp, my wife thinks you’re extremely good looking. So thanks for that. You’re a millionaire professional athlete. The most recent place I took her was Quiznos.
I see a team embracing its fans, and I see fans embracing their team.
I see no real weaknesses on the roster. Trust me, I’d be writing all about them otherwise.
And now, Blackhawks, I see that you stand alone in NHL history.
Great. Super. Good for you.
You’ll probably go on to win the Stanley Cup.
As for me, it’s time to make the long walk back to my car.
I really wish I hadn’t forgotten my gloves.
• Shaw Media sports columnist Tom Musick can be reached at email@example.com and on Twitter @tcmusick.