Most people who attend catered parties and fundraisers give little thought to the waitstaff that serves them.

The social hierarchy at these events is established at hello. Servers, car valets and coat check clerks wear name tags that seldom include their last names. As a result, guests feel free to call them by their first names, even as these workers address them as “ma’am” or “sir.”

In my 10 years as a columnist, I’ve interviewed hundreds of servers who work for caterers and party centers. Overwhelmingly, they are women, and most are single mothers. Almost to a person, male or female, they describe having to endure, silently and with good humor, customers’ boorish behavior. Their employers make clear that they must put up with this as part of their job.