It’s funny how time and distance can sometimes give you a BIG dose of perspective. Blogging is a lot like therapy. It’s an odd sort of marriage: You’re both the patient seeking guidance and solace, and you’re the therapist who claims to have all the answers and always has a tissue for you. I’ve always worn my emotions on my sleeve, but I’ve never really showed that whole sleeve to the world.
But I find myself openly and willingly letting my innermost feelings flow (much to the chagrin of my mother, who refuses to read my blog). It’s almost with this feeling of wild abandon because, truthfully, I’m getting to a place in my life where I don’t have anything to hide. Isn’t there a moment in everyone’s life where keeping quiet and keeping secrets becomes even scarier than the plain old truth, whatever that truth may be?
I’ve never been one of those people who Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City called “emotionally slutty” – those who reveal too much, too soon, or in my case, maybe not exactly at the right time or in the right way. I never wanted that to be me. And frankly, it scares me a bit that I’m so forthcoming with details of my life and the inner workings of my mind. With a few clicks of the keys and a push of the publish button, my stories suddenly become the world’s stories. Would someone see it as pathetic? Because that’s not me – or at least I never thought that was me until I spread my feelings all over the page.
I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like my feelings are all I have and all I’ll ever have. And sometimes I DO get tired of ‘keeping quiet’ and especially not being viewed as a woman who has romantic feelings. My disability doesn’t preclude me from being a woman, does it? Sometimes I get these looks from people like it is so unimaginable that I could want what any woman wants – love, companionship, a CHANCE with a guy who she’s interested in. Why should I be any different than the other millions of women out there? I still feel like all men see is my disability, not the normal, loving woman behind it.
I’m normal, funny and yes, a bit dorky. I just wish men would take the time to get to know that. And get to know me!
But again, that’s the beauty of blogging, isn’t it? It gives you a chance, in your own little corner of the world, to at least begin to squelch certain stereotypes, whatever you feel passionate about. It gives you an outlet for your voice to be heard. So should I post all the inner workings of my mind on my blog? I’m not sure, but I think I would regret it if I didn’t. Or maybe I’m just thinking too much again ... I do have a tendency to do that sometimes too.
What about you? Do you ever wear your heart on your sleeve too much? What happens when you let your emotions get the better of you? Do you ever say things and then regret them later?
Feel free to share your thoughts with me on my blog at www.melissabxoxo.blogspot.com.
• Melissa Blake, a lifelong resident of DeKalb, is a freelance journalist and writer. She is the adviser to the Kishwaukee College newspaper, the Kaleidoscope. She can be contacted at mellow1422@aol.com.
